Archive for the ‘Reflections’ Category

201 – Presence …

Sunday, July 15th, 2018

Although I don’t feel it, my body is constantly changing: Cells constantly die and are replaced by new ones that already know the functions of those they are replacing; my heart constantly pumps re-oxygenated blood to revitalize every niche in my body; my brain and nervous system constantly adjust to meet my emotional and physical changes.

These are but a few of the many amazing feats my body constantly accomplishes to keep me alive. But there is another one: A mysterious yet fundamental feat through which the myriad components of my body collectively generate a Presence, a Persona I project into the world.

And as astonishing about me this is, there is something even more astonishing: Of all the living species I know of, I, a representative of homo sapiens, have grown so self-conscious of my Presence in the world that I can trace it not only through my own personal history but through the history of the species. And yet, somehow, this degree of self-consciousness has made me incapable of taking responsibility for the impact my Presence makes on the world. Consequently, I am facing an environmental upheaval of unprecedented proportions.

Is it not astonishing? It has taken homo sapiens the grueling upheavals of a long evolutionary process for me to be conscious of my Presence in the world, but because I refuse to take responsibility for what my Presence does to the world, I might be wiped out without a trace from the face of the world.

Revised March 2021   

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190 – How can I forget? …

Thursday, February 1st, 2018

I live in a culture that tells me to forgive, so I can forget the horrors of the past.

But how can I forget?

How can I, if my body won’t let me?

Forgiving is easy:

there is nothing in the past I can now change,

whatever happened happened,

what was done was done.

The main thing is that I made it,

a bit crippled, a bit awkward,

but I made it.

And in every experience I now experience,

in every emotion that overwhelms me,

in every feeling I cannot feel,

in every cruelty I wish I had not seen,

my body remembers,

it is what I’m made of.

There is no horror I can now change.

The past is all forgiven

and forgetting would be erasing a part of me.

 

To forget with intention of erasure is possible,

and oftentimes … for the sake of survival …

we do it unintentionally,

but to intentionally erase the past from our history

is inducing a replay of what we are trying to forget.

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182 – Destiny …

Sunday, October 1st, 2017

My greatest challenge is to try to answer the question What is Life? Because even if I know that I am one of Life’s manifestations and that Life is manifested all around me and far away from me, I don’t seem to be capable to fully know what it is. But there are things about Life that are self-evident: 1 – Life recreates itself with a degree of freedom and inexhaustible ingenuity into manifestations of increasing complexity and 2 – that amid my monumental limitations, I can direct my Life towards a destination.

One of the incredible things about my childhood was that from constant oppression, cruelty, hate, and fear, a curiosity to find beauty, happiness, and truth somehow emerged with a force that overtook my Life. What is this formidable force? Is it what we call Destiny?

There are two definitions for Destiny in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: 1 – something to which a person or thing is destined, and 2 – a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency.

There is no question in my mind that every living thing in Nature is destined to have a degree of curiosity; it is the key to adaptation and survival, it is how flowers come up with amazing designs to attract pollinators and propagate, it is how molecules have come to build the complexity of the double helix, it is how a newborn baby learns to manipulate and be manipulated by its world, it is how the human brain develops an irrepressible curiosity to know what our destiny might be.

There is no question in my mind that our lives are pre-determined by the environment in which we are born, by the source of Life from which we are engendered, by the forces that shape our perception, but most of all, by the hunting power of Destiny.

Revised January 2021   

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180 – My Life Meanders between Opposing Complements of Existence

Friday, September 1st, 2017

Right <>  Wrong

Temporary <>  Lasting

Supple <>  Rigid

Free <>  Dependent

Creative <>  Destructive

Knowledge <>   Ignorance

Tolerance <>  Prejudice

Dynamic <>  Passive

Organized <>  Chaotic

Self-determined <>  Pre-determined

Conscious <>  Instinctive

Open  <>  Closed

Love  <>  Hate

Courage <> Fear

Happiness  <>  Terror

Compassion  <>   Cruelty

Feminine  <>  Masculine

Health  <>  Illness

Pleasure  <>  Pain

Truth  <>  Deceit

Light  <>  Darkness

Life  <>  Death

Etc., etc.

My Life flows like a river meandering between opposing yet complementary facets of existence as I choose, oftentimes consciously but mostly by instinct, which side to lean towards or move away from. There are times when I measure which side is strongest, which one weaker, which side can change my life, which one just a day. There are times when a side has the power to overtake me, prejudice, for instance, instead of tolerance, and times when I have the power to overtake them, courage, for instance, instead of fear. There are times when moving towards a side makes me feel ugly and scared while moving towards the opposite side makes me feel beautiful and happy.

It is uncanny and utterly fascinating to be able to look back into my past and recollect and examine the decisions I made and those that were made for me; remembering how sometimes the push and pull of opposing sides led me into corners and sometimes into open doors.

My capacity to examine events that shape my Life and the strength of the forces behind those events led me to delve into the world of the primal instincts that urge me to survive, to bond, to engender, to learn, to love, as well as the world of the spirit that endows me with the power to manipulate those urges and the wisdom to know when to let them conquer me. This capacity makes me realize what a wondrous creature I am; it gives me insight into the ingenious forces that created me from the bond of miniscule cells that already knew how to meander between the opposing complements of existence     and choose.

Revised January 2021   

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179 – I Am One of Their Ascendants

Tuesday, August 15th, 2017

The way I think, the way I speak, the way I breathe, the way I walk, the way I love, the way my body organizes itself, the way I understand and perceive reality, the way I produce energy to power my constant transformation, are all the result of the ongoing evolutionary process in which I am embedded. I am part of the ascent of an amazing species which, amid a propitious planetary period, has come to populate every inhabitable niche on Earth.

Through our ascent, the human brain developed the complex neuronal connectivity that endows me with a high degree of intelligence, a level of inquisitiveness rare in Nature, the ingenuity to adapt to changing environments, the awareness of my own awareness.

But the insecurity, fear, trauma, abuse of a dysfunctional upbringing, and the oppression of an educational system heavily tilted towards the control of the young, vulnerable mind stunted the development of my intelligence to be capable of understanding and perceiving the world beyond the limitations of my organic senses. The combination of these harmful factors forced my body to numb my feelings. The wisdom of Nature to halt the complete annihilation of my rebel mind allowed me to survive by feeling nothing, caring for nothing. It has taken me a lifetime to awaken my compassion and get my feelings back.

It is heartbreaking to realize that I am not an exemption, that the history of my upbringing is ‘normal’ in most cultures.

But the force of a legacy passed along in the lessons of flourishing civilizations, and the wisdom of great thinkers awoke in me an insatiable need to understand what I am; the search has helped me overcome the traumatic events of my upbringing.

I was born with the soul of a rebel, the hunger of a questing mind, and the capacity to perceive patterns that sustain Nature’s creative order. And so, I fought any form of ‘authority’ wanting to dictate how I think, live, love, and understand. I devoured books, especially those that opened my mind to new horizons and dared question the status quo. I also learned to love science, philosophy, poetry, and music, especially classical music, because it fed my uncanny capacity to perceive patterns of order and beauty out of the chaotic world we have created.

My rebelliousness, the hunger of my mind, and my capacity to perceive patterns in Nature have taken me, as someone said, to places I would not know how to get to; places where I have begun to understand my participation in the magnificent order and astonishing beauty of our Universe. Places where I came to see that I could not have attained a highly evolved level of perception without the heritage of innumerable generations of thinkers, lovers, dreamers, rebels, wanderers, visionaries, pioneers – the people who untiringly seek knowledge through the mysteries of the mind, the people who tenaciously want to unravel the Source that engenders the boundless creativity and beauty of the evolutionary process we call Life.

I am one of their ascendants.

Revised January 2021   

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177 – The Universal Language …

Saturday, July 15th, 2017

Upon genesis, everything in Nature is infused with the universal process of Becoming: self-organization, bonding, self-generation, adaptation, self-regulation, self-perpetuation, and a degree of freedom in transformation. This process is written in the ovum and the sperm, and from the moment they become One, the Self that becomes ‘I’ is infused.

Knowing what everybody else has innately known before me, I create the language through which I instruct every cell I engender with the common makeup of the human species; the same language is used by my cells to recreate the uniqueness of what ‘I’ am until the day I die. This language, this intimate conversation between what I create and what creates me, is the most important thing there is; my life depends on it.

This language, this conversation, is how my body unfolds and creates my mind; is how species evolve; is how solar systems form and bind together; is how spiral galaxies keep myriad stars spinning in a synchronized dance within their arms; is how billions of galaxies and all their contents create a Universe that engenders me, unique, yet like everything else.

Revised January 2021   

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124 – History is Full of their Ruins …

Wednesday, April 15th, 2015

Any system of governance that steals from its working class, its poor, its disadvantaged with the sole purpose of its own empowerment, and that it continues doing so with no Vision for the Future of its citizens other than the entrenchment of its blind greed for power and control, is an aberration that, like a cancer, ultimately ends up in self-destruction.

History is full of their ruins.

Why is it then that such a great portion of our systems of governance continue to be intent on making the same mistake, perpetuating this aberration as if there were no other intelligent, progressive, and sustainable alternatives, like governance based on knowledge, tolerance, respect, love?

Revised May 2020   

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123 – Hatred …

Wednesday, April 1st, 2015

Many Human actions, emotions, perceptions, decisions, are driven by Hatred.

How can this have come to be, if unlike Love, which is innate, Hatred is learned?

Does it mean that if Hatred is such a dominant factor in our cultures – war, genocide, abuse, scapegoating, torture – it is because we are deliberately teaching it, inciting it in our children, our cultures, our communities, our nations, our beliefs? Isn’t this a dismal thought? But there is no other way to explain its predominance in human behavior:

We are teaching Hatred.

Being as highly intelligent as we claim to be, and having the knowledge that no creature we know of comes into Life knowing how to hate, why do we seem incapable of comprehending the horrific Fact that we are the only creatures in Nature teaching our young to hate?

This is not what we were supposed to become, we, who are consciously aware of the beauty and power of our innate capacity to Love.

Revised May 2020   

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